Tenet #1 Suspend certainty: Try to understand an issue instead of trying to resolve it.

The immediate purpose of Dialogue is not to reach a decision, but to gain insights about an issue and the group’s thoughts around it. In this context, suspending certainty can mean staying open to having an opinion or belief changed by something another participant shares. Being someone who is often in the solution and resolution mode of thinking, there were times when I felt like I’d rip my hair out trying to suspend certainty. But by ‘sitting on my hands’ and truly listening to others’ viewpoints and ideas, I learned more about the topic and the people involved than I ever would have if I operated in a non-Dialogue fashion.

Basically, this tenet allows us to learn from another person. Instead of holding dearly to a perception you believe is right, you suspend it until you’ve heard and absorbed the other person’s thought.

This is counter to the traditional American culture where individuality, competition and certainty-of-opinion thrive. Try this technique on for size at your next meeting or brainstorm session, and see how it benefits you, your group and your business.

Tenet #2 Check your intentions: Why do you need to speak?

This concept is at the heart of Dialogue. By investigating the reasons why we say what we do, we unearth the core feelings, assumptions and meanings an issue might have for us, and identify any filters we’re using to define our world as right and others as wrong. An easy way to begin checking your intentions is to ask yourself, "why am I saying this, and what motivates me to share this with the group?" Unhealthy intentions might include power struggles, the need to be right, insecurity, and looking for quick fixes rather than wanting to learn from another person--all of which inhibit true understanding and successful Dialogue.

Tenet #3 Explore your assumptions and respectfully check others’ assumptions.

This is tough. People generally take assumptions as fact and express them as such, so it’s hard not to be biased about our own opinions (which we see as 'truths' rather than opinions). And, because it’s almost second nature, people on the receiving end of the communication can take the comments as fact, too. Albert Einstein said it well: "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by the age eighteen."

Assumptions can be dangerous and can lead people toward incorrect solutions or negative feelings for another person.

Preparing yourself for Dialogue

Dialogue begins with one person, and that person can be you. The next time you’re in a situation where there’s no alignment on purpose or direction, or a needed level of commitment for change is lacking, or when a group is stuck and can’t seem to move forward, ask yourself the following questions to spark the Dialogue process:

What am I defending?

What is this about?

Am I trying to resolve the issue or understand it?

What filters am I using?

Am I willing to be influenced?

Am I willing to learn?

What am I not saying, and why?

For more information about Dialogue

To learn more about Dialogue, check back monthly for other IVC articles, e-mail us, or visit the bookstore for these and other titles:

On Dialogue, David Bohm

Talks and Dialogues, J. Krishnamurti

Dialogue: Rediscover the Transforming Power of Conversation, Creating & Sustaining Collaborative Partnerships at Work, Linda Ellinor and Glenna Gerard